Cop Quote: "Take your hands off the car or I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document!"
Two girlfriends were speeding down the freeway at well over 100 miles per hour.
"Hey", asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?"
The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do."
"Oh, NOOOOOO!" yelled the brunette. "Are his flashers on?"
The blonde turned around again. "Yup...nope...Yup...nope...yup..."
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for DUI violations leaving the establishment. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Meanwhile, all other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, did a roadside sobriety test followed by a breathalyzer. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy!"
